Why, for example:
- are my toenails growing faster than ever before, now that I am more incapable able than ever before of reaching them?
- in a similar vein, do sports shoe manufacturers make their shoes with ridiculously long laces which oblige me to stay bent over (and holding my breath), purple-faced, for minutes at a time while I try to arrange them in such a way as to prevent them from dragging on the ground?
- have all the hairs on my legs below the knee, simply disappeared?
- has the doorway into all cars shrunk, making it nigh on impossible for me to enter said vehicles without sustaining at least one annoying blunt trauma injury?
- do an increasing number of food items make me fart rather impressively?
- no matter how thoroughly I attend to the issue, there are always errant nasal hairs waiting to tickle me or start whistling when I lie in bed?
- are my eyebrows growing more enthusiastically than at any time in the last 51 years?
- do the kind of people I interact with on a daily basis seem to be getting more and more moronic (it can't be me that's changing)?
- have I not yet won the lottery - even just a little bit of it?
- do mosquitos love the blood in the most awkward places (ears, lips, back of the knee)?
- is one poo no longer sufficient for my daily needs?
- is all supermarket fruit so CRAP these days?
- can I no longer drink ordinary milk?
I leave you to ponder these great mysteries (and check off any that also apply to you) while I adjourn for yet another session of perching on the porcelain...my god, no wonder I'm exhausted.