In no particular order:
- There is little to be gained by trying to twist off beer bottle tops. Except, that is, shredded hands.
- No matter how many times I yell at the inside of my car windshield, I shall never rid the world of incompetent drivers.
- When in doubt; sausages.
- Love is the currency of meaningfulness (this has nothing little to do with sausages).
- Freshly-baked, soft white bread is an addictive substance best kept in a safe for which I do not possess the keys.
- The internet is a double-edged, occasionally silver-lined club of awesome knowledge and horribleness. Many stupid people infest it and like antibiotic-resistant bacteria, will never be gone from it.
- Avoid growing brain tumours in tissue left over from the embryonic stage of development in my mother’s womb.
- Requited love is an immensely powerful force for good. Unrequited love sucks.
- Any sport followed religiously by millions is probably going to be a boring mix of overpaid athletes and drunken knobheads.
- The higher a pickup truck is raised on its suspension, the lower is the owner’s emotional intelligence.
- Acquiring stuff has never made me happier; acquiring friends, although much more difficult, has the opposite effect.
- You may do a person a thousand favours, but what they will remember is the day you disappointed them. Their choice.
- Sausages (pork sausages; none of that fancy stuff) wrapped in freshly-baked, soft white bread - buttered, of course - are to be worshipped and coveted.
- Try to ignore anything Donald Trump says on any subject.
Here endeth just a few of life’s lessons.