It's time for some entirely justified grumbling - this time I am condensing my whinges about Canadian drivers (some of which will be transferable on a global scale)...
I am using the word 'drivers' loosely because frankly there is a significant proportion of road users for whom I would consider such a term to be flattering. Some of the barely - controlled vehicles I observe are a credit to the clown schools the humans inside obviously attended...
My top ten Canadian driver foibles (not in order of potential danger);
- Coming in at number ten - Indicating to turn left in the city only at the last second or when stopped - causing the twenty following vehicles in the same lane to have to suddenly stop and wait while traffic in the right hand lane sails past.
- At numero...nine-o...swinging left before turning right - the lane is wide enough already, stop trying to make it wider! Get a smaller car if the road is too narrow for you. Or better still - walk.
- Doing a figure of eight is; turning left and crossing over both lanes of the road you are turning into...is it really SO hard to execute a ninety degree turn without almost hitting someone who is approaching the stop line on their own side of the road?
- What's lucky number seven? Driving with no lights at night - the transmission and your front lights may be automatic but folks, unfortunately we need to see your rear end. Use your brain and the light switch.
- Sliding sideways up the charts at number six we find driving at night with badly adjusted headlights (usually pickups) which blind the oncoming driver quite effectively. At night, in the rain, this is deadly.
- Holding the number five position with authority is 'huge pickup driver' - in both senses - who thinks he (again most often a he) owns the small acreage of road his monstrous machine (usually with raised suspension) occupies, and throws his vehicular weight about like an arrogant pig. Climb down into the real world buddy, let's see how big (and not just fat) you are then.
- Fourth place is occupied by the person who is terrified by corners and bends - and there are so many of these people around. Negotiating bends is a requirement - how the hell did you ever pass a driving test? You DID pass a driving test didn't you...?
- In the bronze medal position is the cell phone user (most often observed to be a female) who executes red light turns, blind lane changes and worrying tailgating with the iphone or Android pressed firmly to the ear. Wake up before you get to sleep for ever! How obviously stupid does this have to be for you to put the phone down - or even buy a bluetooth?
- The first loser at number two is of course our old friend; the last of the great queue-jumpers, the (for some reason usually male) driver who leaves it to the last second and last few metres to squeeze from the closed lane into the running lane. Highway entry roads and roadworks are the favourite haunt of this piece of...work. Learn to merge!
- And finally my personal number one, the thing which ticks me off more regularly and consistently than anything else - the left lane (overtaking lane) hog. From the dreamy idiot who feels entitled to dawdle along in the wrong lane simply because he or she has paid their taxes, to the buffoon who is in the lane from which they intend to turn left in about five kilometres (and I am NOT exaggerating), I hate you all. May your exhaust pipe become blocked and your undercarriage wither and fall off.