This leaves me with scant reason for having my surviving loved ones go to the trouble and expense of finding and purchasing a headstone. I find them universally dark, unfriendly things anyway. The only exception I’m aware of is from Spike Milligan, who went to a lot of trouble to have “I told you I was ill’ inscribed for all the world to see. I love that, but if I’m honest, I think it’s impossible to equal.
So, what to do? Well; nothing. And that’s partly the point.
However, if I was to indulge myself and put money aside for a chunk of bedrock with some words upon it to commemorate my existence, I may just choose to go the curmudgeonly route (I was going to say “…and be damned.”, but I don’t believe in that either). If I could get them past the censors overseeing the Garden of Remembrance for Deceased Curmudgeons, I might try for one or more of the following:
“A car has BRAKES, not BREAKS”
“The $ sign goes BEFORE the numbers…”
“There, Their, They’re. Where, Were, We’re. Your, You’re.”
“Learn about apostrophes.”
“A Lot, NOT A lot.”
“For Ever can be two words.”
In the interests of practicality, I’d need a whole new (wasteful) stone upon which to address my pet driving peeves, and a whole tomb (if not a chapel) to begin dealing with issues deriving from politics.
Three years ago, I visited Westminster Abbey in London, and there I came across the tomb markers for such giants as Sir Isaac Newton, Charles Dickens, Alexander Pope and Charles Darwin. To stand in the presence of such markers was a surprisingly moving and even exciting experience. However, I’m not famous, and I never shall be. The people who remember me will have known me, liked me and loved me (or not, I suppose). I doubt that they will need a physical reminder of my existence. I hope instead to leave behind many happy memories, no regrets and a few books (one down, how many left to go?) to mark my life.
I hope to be remembered, and I hope those memories shall allow those who know me to smile and reflect upon a life well-lived. Just don’t expect a headstone; it might spoil things.