The odd thing is, though, that the result doesn't matter as much as it should. The result will very, very probably not bring about the end of civilization as we know it. Life will - again: very, very probably - go on much as before for the overwhelming majority of us. Especially for those of us not unfortunate enough to have found ourselves to be American. Indeed, one thing will be more clear than ever before - no matter what the final outcome of this strangely complicated electoral system may be. America is a country with more than its fair share of idiots.
I apologize - I'll moderate my language a little here. When I say 'idiots', what I'm really trying to describe (using, I know, a rather judgemental term - forgive me) is the seemingly enormous proportion of the American voting population who, for whatever reasons, have now exposed themselves as Morons, Dunces, Fuckwits and - let's not beat about the bush here - Cockwombles. There now, that's much better - I felt I was doing them a disservice by not using the correct terminology.
I'm referring (as if there was any doubt among those of us who have evolved a central nervous system) to the apparent legions of Trump supporters. You know the sort: the people who genuinely want to know why Obama allowed 9/11 to happen on his watch, or those who - by way of writing such upon their vests - invite Trump to grab their pussies. It seems - from the most recent polling, anyway - that there are even more of these troglodytic oxygen thieves than I thought was possible. Yes, the numbers from recent polls tell us that not only is Donald Trump at least neck-and-neck with Hillary Clinton, but that he is also considered more honest. I swear, my fingers just started laughing.
There's no way to put this Genie back in the bottle. I may just as well try to push my genitals into a keyhole (I'm not saying that I've ever tried this late at night in a teenage drunken stupor, but trust me here: it's not possible). America, you have shown the world what you truly are - and it's not pretty. No amount of lipstick will make this particular pig look any better. Over the years, Hollywood has pushed out its 'America is the greatest place on earth' propaganda relentlessly and in the face of a great deal of evidence to the contrary, but this election campaign has shown us - everyone outside the borders of the richest (or put another way: most indebted) nation on the planet - the truth.
America, you are divided. You are divided by income levels and the attitudes towards those with less, and yet you continue to trot out the nonsense of 'The American Dream'. You are divided by race, and yet you deny it. You are divided by religion; by the rigid belief systems of different religions or even by the equally rigid differences between denominations. America, you are divided by attitudes towards sexuality and gender. These attitudes echo those of the mediaeval period of Europe, and yet they flourish in an age when information is almost literally at our fingertips, and in an age when literacy is at an all-time high. You are divided by the refusal to accept reality.
America, you are overrun with bigots, racists and religious zealots; all of whom belong in another time, and yet are embraced and encouraged and allowed to prosper financially at the expense of the vulnerable. You are overrun with liars and cheats, hucksters who are encouraged in their ruthlessness by the idea that making money is the end which justifies almost any means. You are swamped with greedy, conscience-free and downright evil individuals who rise to the financial heights by the quickest route, and stand upon the shoulders of the ordinary man and woman.
You have run out of excuses, America. Trump - the man whom so many people seem to idolize - personifies the worst of a political and financial class which has no time for honesty or integrity (the two most essential ingredients for any public servant, surely?). Your hero Trump is so blatantly vile, so obviously dishonest and so hilariously unqualified to lead even a scout troop, the world is caught between laughing with glee or howling in horror. The rest of the world can see what is happening, America. This campaign has lifted your skirts to show the true colours beneath: the disgusting racism and sexism, the religious bigotry, the vile insatiable greed and the power-at-any-cost approach to political activity.
No matter who wins the presidency, America, the world has already discovered the truth that you sought to keep from us.
Once again America, you have been discovered.