The Age Of Spreading Middle...
  • Blog
  • Things I write
  • Stay in touch
  • Links

A date of significance.

12/1/2015

0 Comments

 
I'd been awake for a few hours today when suddenly the date registered in my night-shift addled brain. December 1st. That used to be a date that had a mark next to it upon the wall calendar, and a reminder in my work phone and computer.

December 1st, 1990 was the day that I got married. It was a cold, quite grey but thankfully dry day. Our families gathered in a churchyard in the English countryside and watched as the woman I loved became my wife for ever. It was a joyful day, a mixture of traditional white wedding dress and morning suit fussing, mixed together with a desire to keep things low key. We enjoyed the day - it was wonderful, and I felt very happy and very lucky. That was twenty five years ago today...twenty five years!!!

Of course that means that today is my silver wedding anniversary - but before you condemn me for being a forgetful/unthinking/heartless swine, I should point out that I have not been married to that lady for more than five years now. The marriage that was supposed to last for ever (aren't they all?) simply didn't, and of course the reasons and details are strictly private.

I've since remarried, and very happily so, and this fact leaves me wondering about how I'm feeling about the date today. It's a day for reflection - or is it? I am, after all, married to someone else now; someone whom I love unreservedly, and earlier today I had a nagging worry that even remembering the significance of this date is somehow a betrayal of our relationship. I was concerned that even mentally marking this kind of landmark was inappropriate or insulting to my wife. Since this morning I've been working my way through my feelings about the date and my reaction to it. I've been exploring. I've been thinking upon feeling guilty about having positive feelings about that day.

It's taken me a while to find the truth of it, and I'm actually at peace with it, perhaps for the first time since our divorce. I've finally come to a place where I can allow myself to admit that - especially in the long shadow cast by the joyous event of a wedding - it's OK to feel sad about a relationship that ultimately stopped working. Acknowledging that sadness is fine, and does nothing to harm or bring disrespect upon my marriage today. I was married for very nearly twenty years to someone else. It was not possible for us to be married for longer, and that's simply a truth.

My sadness stems from the knowledge that our dreams in that churchyard - our dreams of being together until death did us part - were destined not to come true. The man who stood at the altar that day and slipped the ring upon his wife's finger would be devastated if he still lived today. That thought brings sadness, because the memory of him lives on within me, and I am sad for both of those young people who launched themselves into a future together with no idea of what lay ahead. It's OK to be sad, though. It's OK to acknowledge that there is sadness, and that we can carry on with life without trying to hide from it.

I am a very fortunate man. I am married to a wonderful woman, and while I may reflect upon the past, my life lies in the future (the present, of course, disappears with every moment, faster than a blink). Twenty five years ago I did a thing: I got married, and I was overjoyed to do so. It was an important day - no, a HUGE day - and I will remember it always. It's OK, then, to remember a thing that I did, and to acknowledge a life that I used to live alongside another person. It does not intrude, and it does not diminish what I have today.

It follows, therefore, that I can mark this day - even smile about this day - and what it recalls: a very happy time of my life. And now that this door is opened, perhaps I can come to terms with a great deal more.

Getting older can be so very interesting...






0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Grumpy middle aged git moaning about stuff and occasionally trying to be funny.

    PictureTrying to work out why my new-fangled computer thingy won't work...

    Archives

    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    October 2017
    September 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.